I'm in the process of dismantling my business Larke. I've tried over the past 18 months or so, in a couple of different iterations, to get it going - admittedly intermittently , sporadically. The truth is, I don't love it. And I've tried really hard to love it! Especially in it's latest incarnation - I stripped back the product offering to be shoes only, had a great made-on-demand production model, I revamped the website, I sent regular weekly emails for a couple of months, worked really hard on a super-cute Instagram feed - but it's always felt like a chore. Now, I know that in business there are always going to be the bits that don't bring you so much joy, but this felt like a job. Not a joy. I already have a job, I don't need another one!
And so I have to sneakily try and shut it down without looking at the website, because when I do, I get all nostalgic for my little hi-tops. My funny newsletters. My vintage illustration characters who were starting to develop a bit of personality. I feel a bit sad.
I feel sad for the dream I thought I had but turned out not to want. I feel a bit silly, even.
But - nothing is wasted. All those web building, design and social media skills I can use for nicole-law. The practice of editing and refining product offerings. The sending out of regular - REGULAR emails! And, like Thomas Edison finding 10,000 ways the lightbulb didn't work, I have found another thing which is not for me. And I gave it a good shot. I am proud of myself.
Last week on Instagram I shared a quote from Brené Brown's Rising Strong.
We move what we’re learning from our heads to our hearts through our hands.
We are born makers, and creativity is the ultimate act of integration. It is how we fold our experiences into our being.
And now I'm taking all those things I've learned - the hard skills, but also the tenacity, the perseverence, the curiosity, and returning full circle to the root of all of this - making art. And it's really interesting because I'm thinking about the idea of SEEDS in my work, and I've been rifling through drawers to find old work - and there are so many things which are seeds there - both metaphorically, sparking new ideas, and literally - they LOOK like seeds! These are drawings I did 10 years ago, and I'm starting to understand the beauty of seeds - they already contain all the information they need to become what they need to be. And so do I.
Nothing is wasted, just folded into ourselves as we keep becoming ourselves. The only waste would be to stop growing.